Once in a while, articles such as this insert themselves into a firestorm of cultural controversy. That article, which boasts of the author’s extremely strict, “Chinese” style of parenting, brings up one such point: whether kids today should be motivated by rewards and encouragements or punishments and coercion. Since I’ve found that this age-old argument can also be applied to more diverse fields such as management and leadership, I’ve decided to bring it to your attention and offer my two cents on it.

Let’s not focus on the “Chinese” part of Chua’s argument- it’s an ugly cultural mess that I’d rather not delve into (feel free to take a gander at the comments section of the article if you don’t believe me). So think General Patton instead of Crazy Asian Mother. Clearly, Chua is a big fan of the stick. Her belief is that the best method to tap latent potential is to squeeze it out of the subject in question. Don’t be afraid of stress and pressure on the kid/employee- after all, it takes pressure for lemonade to be made out of lemons. Only by coercion and strict values can a person go beyond the boring stages of talent development- the endless hours of repetitive practice to perfect that shooting stroke or that dance step- and become passionately immersed in something.

On the contrary, modern parenting- and management- seems to emphasize caring nurture rather than the unenlightened ol’ spanking. As the theory goes, children are predisposed to excel at certain activities, and no amount of coercion will force a square peg into a round hole. The parent or manager’s role should be to find the activities that the child/employee excels in and encourage them to succeed in them through positive feedback (witness the proliferation of “participation” trophies in community sports leagues and piano recitals). According to an old Chinese proverb, pulling crops to make them grow faster is counterproductive and downright idiotic. Instead, they should be put in the best position to grow, and be given plenty of care to nurture that growth. Water and sunshine for the crops, Gatorade and exclamations of “my precious sunshine” for kids, and coffee and an office with lots of exposure to sunshine for the workers will do the trick.

You may have seen from my overuse of clichés that both these views represent a simplistic, too-often-repeated perspective on talent nurturing. Some people do need much coercion to achieve; others may become bland automatons or rebel. Likewise, the carrot works for people who have strong natural interests, but using it exclusively can turn your kid into a druggie and your employee into an NFL.com frequenter at work. Each method is like medicine: good in reasonable amounts, but too much of it can be catastrophic.

Instead, I argue that the key to successful motivation, whether of your kids or employees, is a mindset rather than a method. Successful parents and managers, no matter their choice of the stick or carrot, show a dedication to those they manage that is palpable. Their development needs to be about them, and not about you; deviation from this breeds the “helicopter” mom and the “best friend” mom. Show that you care, whether with the stick or the carrot or both, and others will respond positively. If you do that, it doesn’t matter whether you prefer the carrot or the stick to motivate others.


(Photo: a2gemma)